August 06 1999
The idea came after visiting one of Cel's referred URL. Sharing our thoughts. Playing the game of honesty. As we are two, as we are one intertwining minds, hearts, souls, spirits and bodies, keying down together or by each hand. Pushing words onto the screen of life from time to time. Telling to each the other side. Each saying to the other. Both or each as moments favor. From you to me, me to you and us to others. O:-)
I have
changed the away from you to not too far... I rein the cocoon... Familiar space
brings some inner peace... Greeted by your thoughts born in the days gone...
I read your love, your hopes, your doubts... I would only spread wide my wings
to wrap you with love...
Have no fear Love...
August 07 1999
I lose
myself when in compworld... The drug is strong... Love has joined me to my utmost
delight... Total Bliss... To share my passion with passion with my Passion O:-)...
Thank you Gods... I awake light hearted... I know I will not be alone today...
Early morning and
coffee is helping me to focus on what I must do to be as techy as Moz. LOL.
Always the patient teacher. He leads, I follow. I start, he finishes. I get
lost, he guides. Gently, together, striving to work together for the same cause.
I too am light hearted today. Thank you .
August 09 1999
The closer
we get to God, the more we are alone... It is the infinity of solitude [Leon
Bloy]...I awake today with solitude... There is no fear, yet, of my demons...
Surely they will come... I vow to fight, not to have them welcome... Cutting
through the dark vale covering my heart, the sun's light and warmth will revive
the cold stone to a gem... I will feel Celeste's presence in her absence...
Her voyage from my thoughts to my soul and heart as started... My brave soldier
as turned into an army that no demons can overcome..
August 11 1999
We should
only be amazed by our capacity to be amazed [La Rochefoucauld]... It
is amazing that I am not crumbling... Fear of fear it must have been... Maybe
I am in a fog, a mind fog, an emotion fog... Is that all there is to it... Once
your mind is settled, once you truly decide what you want for yourself, then
the action becomes easy and the acceptance of the price to be paid makes it
bearable... Will I wake up tomorrow and find myself as little pieces scattered
all over... I think not... I now have to learn how to make the best of my freedom,
for and by myself... One big place in my heart is already taken, O:-)...
August 12 1999
Too many
days without being close to you my Love... Thoughts are running through my head
like a metro through a station... A fearful whirlwind surrounds me... All my
movements are in a surreal environment... I need an anchor, I need you... I
ride my emotions like a roller coaster... Screaming, laughing, crying... I need
your light, the beacon in my maze... Again and for ever...
August 13 1999
Sometimes
the electronic world can screw you up good... I spent the day trying to fix
my browser and cable modem... Finally at 6:30 things are working properly (I
hope)... You are back sweets, I just got your messages... Unless the sky falls
on me, I will be meeting you at our hour and place... Heart filled with joy...
So many things to say to you... So many things to hear from you... Like standing
in front of the ocean, ready to get aboard the sail ship ready to take you anywhere
you want... The destination is to chose... All are available...
Here I sit, frustrated
at my inadequacies trying to figure out how I'm supposed to add to the journal.
Everything I do is not right. My angel is not here. O:-(..... But more than
that, my love is not here. The majestic Laurentian mountains, the mirrored lake,
the falling stars I saw, only served to make me want to be with you more. With
every stroke of the kayak paddle, I saw your reflection in the water, with every
hike into the forest I saw places where we could make love under the sky, with
every soft breeze through the pines I heard you calling my name. I will take
you there one day my love, into a place where no one else exists but you, me
and God so that we may experience together what it feels like to be one with
the universe. A place where our love will blossom amongst the wildflowers.
August 14th, 1999
Another day has come
and gone. Some things change so fast and others so slow. Demons rear their heads
and we always have to be ready for the confrontations. But we are stronger than
the demons. And with time, the demons retreat and we advance. Angels are always
near. Always! And when they are busy all I have to do is summon them. They have
never let me down. PS: I love my new logo. Moz has captured the flair that is
part of me in the things I do. I admire him.
August 15th, 1999
Life is
a disease for which sleep is a relief every sixteenth hour... It is a lenitive...
Death is the cure [Chamfort]... Some dark humor at this early hour...
4:30... Unlike past nights, I do not believe excitement to be the cause of sleep
arriving late and leaving early... My Love's fast changes in my own life...
There are no disturbing thoughts to blame... Perhaps should I question the dreams...
If only I could remember them... On the better side, I have more time awake
to enjoy my techy problems... So back to trying not to screw up Celeste's site
pages...
Like a moth to a flame
I am drawn here to use my heart as my pen. Some news today churns my stomach
with the force of a tornado stirring up everything in its path. I will find
the strength with the help of my angels. Life if full of tests and I have faith
in the grace of God. At this very moment all I desire is to run away. This demon
before me is an old enemy, familiar yet forever changing to try to fool me.
And it's taken another form this time. I have sometihng that I never had before.
Someone my angels placed with love in my path of destiny. A love I allowed myself
to feel and gather in under my wings, enfolding it, embracing it. giving me
strength and hope for a brighter future. May the angels descend upon us all
today and upon all the tomorrows.
August 18th, 1999
It takes
courage to be happy... My sweet Angel needs all the angels help... I can only
pray they are there for her... Life brings sometimes hardship to those deserving
it the least... Why must my Love be tormented by this demon... I see the pain
crushing her soft nature... I share that pain without any relief for her...
Such devastation in my heart... Such weariness in hers... All the Gods I invoke,
make it end... All the angels I pray, take my dearest by the hand... Surround
her with your wings of faith... Touch her with your songs of hope... Divert
your rivers of peace through her soul... Let my silent prayer for her be heard
by all...
August 19, 1999
The urge to write down
all the turmoil is strong but I will not write here thoughts that will taint
LB. At the moment I live in two worlds. Maybe they are on a collision path.
I must be the captain of my soul. O:-) I will be the captain of my soul. O:-)
And steer a clear course to being free and happy.
Friday, August 20th, 1999
Today
is a better day. Funny how things change so fast. The ups and downs of life.
I will enjoy all my special moments for sometimes there are few and far between.
The angels may have wider spheres of action and nobler forms of duty than ourselves,
but truth and right to them and to us are one and the same thing. Thanks sweets
for the great applet. It was a most wonderful gift. XXXXXXXXXXXX
August 23, 1999
Words are sometimes simply not as eloquent as silence...
August 28, 1999
So many tempests in just a few days... A roller coaster ride on the rails of
emotions... Columbus discovering the inner world... One treasure shines more
brightly... To know what being Touched means... Such a beautiful bouquet of
feelings... So many fragrances all at once... Pleasure for the eyes, cradle
for the heart... Bliss for the heart, bliss for the soul... My Love is so patient
with me... Words of encouragement only as I timidly mix the art of saying with
that of showing... I have come to feel my creation, be touched by its source...
The pleasure is mine without the need of outer rewards... Bliss to have the
love of my Love... Bliss to love my Love...
August 30, 1999
Soul mate n : someone for whom you have a deep affinity says the dictionary...
My Love's dictionary says more than that... Someone with who's soul yours communicate...
Incredulous... Experiencing soul mating... Awesome ... Amazing... Astonishing
... Awe-inspiring ... Unapproachable... Unutterable... Indescribable... Ineffable...
Unspeakable... Inexpressible... Beyond expression... Fabulous ... Thank you
Love for sharing your soul with mine...
August 31, 1999
Love is
so powerful. It has the power to destroy and to build. It can cause joy and
pain. It's frightening to have so much power over someone. I promise to love
you Moz. It is not often soulmates find each other. It is indescribable, awesome,
amazing, just like you said. Let's treasure it always. I love you so much, more
than you will ever know. It is I that should be thanking you. O:-)