September 01 1999

This very moment, this unique instant, along with the letters appearing on the screen, anguish has me... Why... Why do I sometimes feel like that... It is a mystery to me... I have searched everywhere without success... The only sure thing is that it will pass in a short while... Troublesome... This damn thing blocks all the nice emotions that could come out... It makes me mad... Mad that I can't write like I want, draw like I want but mostly love like I want... No clouds... Hopefully it will be gone when I meet my sweet Love in just a few hours... I know it will be history... My Love has given me this light that now shines even brighter when I fall in this darkness... She is my beacon... My hope... All my life... Gheez I love that woman... Even in these moments I feel her soft soul helping me... How blessed can you get... If this is not Bliss then what is... Keep your teeth dry... Smile for I am not at all pitiful... I am on the contrary extremely fortunate... I have my Light...

September 05 1999

One more blissful day has gone by... My Love has won the battle over a demon and is now sleeping with the angels... Close to me... What pleasure to share passions with her... We have strolled on the water front, under a burning sun... We have talked on a terrace... We have listened to music that ignited body rush... We have.....Bliss... I am early this morning... I watch the peaceful sleep in which my darling love is wrapped... Now she joins me for an other unearthly day... What more can you want...

A demon that has stood in my way for many years has finally been cast aside. I have conquered a fear that has held me back for a long time. Damn it feels good. But then again, the reward was stronger than any of the fears. He asked for me, and I delivered myself in more ways than one. He gave me the strength I needed. The gifts I have received cannot be wrapped up in a box. But they are gifts so precious and rare that they are contained in my heart for all eternity to be treasured and savoured over and over again. I have found someone so like me, it`s all emcompassing, surrounding me like a warm blanket. And just when I think I can`t love any harder, any deeper, I find myself loving harder and deeper. I don`t want the weekend to end. I want to stop all time and just stay here for there is nothing more I want....................xxxx

September 6th, 1999

Although I have returned home, it is not really my only home anymore. And although my material things are here, my children, my friends, my work, a part of me stayed with Moz. My one wish is that he feels me there with him. That he sees me wearing his shirt over my naked body, my way of getting closer to him, that he hears me calling his name when he plays that special music we shared, and that our lives are better because we share it now, together. I know that mine will never be the same again. And I look forward to making more memories towards bliss. If I have freedom in my love, and in my soul I am free, angels alone that soar above, enjoy such liberty!!! Richard Lovelace.

September 07 1999

Yes my Love, your presence fills my universe... I am off to work wearing that same shirt... It makes your presence even more vivid... I will enjoy all day the blissful smell of your body... Every door we have opened together has been a passage to a more enchantful universe... Every door we have come to was always wider than the previous... Every passage we have taken has brought us closer... Our very souls are now intertwined so closely that they make one... I am not the same and will never be for now I have you and you me... There are no words strong enough to express the deep wonderful feeling shining through my eyes... The power it bears is unimaginable... I feel I could embrace the universe, shrink it into a gem for you to wear... But its shine would never be able to overcome your glow... There is no other light as powerful, as shiny as your own that can attract my eyes... I have only a much limited vocabulary to express my feelings for you... Three little words, but they bear all what man calls the universe and what doings angels are for... I love you..

September 12, 1999

Here it is a Sunday afternoon and I am getting ready to leave to be with you my love. I am the one the most surprised I think LOL. I marvel at how circumstance allows me to find joy and love and happiness which I have when I am with you. I can't help but feel that my angels are guiding us..... gently prodding with smiles on their faces. Beckoning us. I feel that you and I are protected by these "wonderful spirits" and can't help but believe that they are making things happen for us. All we have to do is take it.Let it flow through our hearts and souls. The angels are laying it at our feet and it's up to us to use our free will to live happily and bathe in their loving light that is shining around both of us. Well my darling Moz...... your presence is my universe. I love you and will be in your arms tonight. I will not question the how, just accept it and I know the why XXXXXXXXXX Je t'aime beaucoup amour.

September 22, 1999

So many things going on all at once... Maybe too many for me... I have such a dry feeling... I can't seem to find time, some time, my time... Is it what my Love is going through... Mostly I would think... Preoccupation... Ha!... I can hear you... Don't worry you say... I would reply by "Easier said than done"... I have been away from the Journal too long... Here I can leave the traces of my heart... Good and bad... Happiness and sorrow.. They build steps for me to climb... Without those I am immobile... Even if I sense the need to write or draw or make a page, today it does not want to come out... Oh well, I know it will pass and I will get back to it... Just give it some TIME... I love you too sweetie...

September 23, 1999

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible -- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. (Barbara De Angelis) I can't tell you how happy I am to see my little butterfly return to the journal where he leaves the traces for me to follow. But love conquers all my sweet Moz. It gives me the strength I need to do what I have to do.It makes everything worthwhile. Don't worry I say. I know it's hard when you care about someone. So I will tell you to worry less.If you look into my eyes and my heart you will see that I am not sinking, that I am swimming with rhythm and stamina. One little stroke at a time towards the shore where you are running along the beach with fire flying from your hands. Tomorrow is Friday and I anticipate my visit to be with you again. We will shut out the world and find delight in each other's company.O:-))))

September 26, 1999

  Another Sunday night and I am feeling most wonderful!! So happy. So very happy. I am loved in a way that I have never been loved before. Moz nourishes my soul so completely that when I come home from being with him it takes awhile to put my feet back on the ground and take my head out of the clouds. He is here with me via cyberspace and I feel his presence so strongly. It's more than just two people on two computers, 150 kilometres apart, communicating. We are fortunate that we can physically be together as well as mentally.We use whatever technology can offer to stay "connected". And when I know he's on the other side, he still feels so close.I can smell his scent....... mmmmmmmm. I can picture him in my mind....... doing his techy "stuff"...... LOL and grinning that special grin, or concentrating on the screen, problem solving. I have only left his side a few short hours ago and I miss him already. How is it possible that one person can possess every part of my being? He never asked for it..... I gave to him of my own free will. Gladly. And will continue to do so until the day I die. ( and then some O:-))))

September 27, 1999

I seem to be in here alone a lot lately. I suppose my need is stronger. I have always written in a journal. Not every day, but when I needed to get something off of my chest. Like today. There is a tempest in my heart. I'm angry and sad at the same time. Even weepy. I'm angry that we are far apart. But that's what fate has chosen for us. It seems that the more time we spend together, the more I long to be with you when I'm not. The miles tug at my heart causing a big hole, filled with an intense lonliness that only serves to emphasize how much I love, need and miss you. I hate the separations. . I am not complete. This empty hole longs to be fulfilled with your presence. It's so damn hard. There are days like today. There will be others I know. And to get me through it, I think of how much you love me. It gives me the courage to go through my daily work bringing me closer to seeing you again. Together, where we belong. I don't like to upset you. I know that when I hurt you hurt. And you worry about me so. But we both know that it passes. I don't think we will ever get good at this. So we will just have to learn to deal with it. The rewards are too great to not learn how. We are blessed to have each other at all. I love you Darling. xxxxxxxxx Sleep with angels tonight. xxxxxxxxxxxx

September 27, 1999

Some quotes to cheer you up my love...
"Disappointment should always be taken as a stimulant & never viewed as discouragement"... "When the storms of life strike, it's what happens in you that will determine what happens to you"... "Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% how you respond to it"... "I'm a thousand times bigger on the inside than I am on the outside"... "Negative thoughts are like birds, you can't keep them from flying around your head but you can keep them from building a nest in you hair"...
My own two cents... We can be grateful because we have what we did not have... Grateful because we have grown... I love you... I know you love me... We know it is for ever... These words are my medication against the sadness of your absence... The intensity of your presence is my waiting pill for the next moment... Love xxxxxxxxxxx

September 30, 1999

Trials, temptations, disappointments -- all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before. ~ James Buckham ~

So here we are at the end of September... What a wonderful month it was... From everywhere, mostly ecstasy... The leaves will soon turn and we will enjoy colourful scenery, but September has put colour in our hearts Each month that goes by, our love grows stronger. It isn't always easy to be apart, but the times we spend together strengthens the mating of our souls. We look forward to what October will bring along with the change of the season, If future months could be only half as wonderful........

start | yestermonth | futuremonth