Every time I say I love you, I'm really trying to say so much more than just those three little words; I'm trying to express so many wonderful feelings about you. I'm trying to say that you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. I'm trying to let you know that I adore you and that I cherish the time we spend together. I'm trying to explain that I want you and that I need you and that I get lost in wonderful thoughts every time I think about you. And each time I whisper, "I love you," I'm trying to remind you that you're the nicest thing that has ever happened to me.
April 5th, 2000
A few little
Easter colours O:-) April 5th and I have been alone in here for more than a
month. But then I have always derived some kind of peace/pleasure in writing
certain feelings down in a journal of sorts. I don't expect you Moz to find
the same solace in doing so yourself. It's not for everyone. But when I do find
something in here from you - well......... O:-) I like it. You have been a busy
beaver lately. I am looking forward to this month. My sister coming in from
NY, me going to 3R to be with you and your family at Easter. Pleasant times
ahead I would say. My life seems to have settled down for the moment. .... I'll
be back. You can count on it just as you can count on the fact that there will
be beautiful stars in the sky. XXXXX
April 7th, 2000
Just because I love you O:-), my little footstep
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A faire pâlir tous les Marquis de Sade
A faire rougir les putains de la rade
A faire crier grâce à tous les échos
A faire trembler les murs de Jéricho
Je vais t'aimer
A faire flamber des enfers dans tes yeux
A faire jurer tous les tonnerres de Dieu
A faire dresser tes seins et tous les Saints
A faire prier et supplier nos mains
Je vais t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme on ne t'a jamais aimée
Je vais t'aimer
Plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé
Je vais t'aimer je vais t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme personne n'a osé t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme j'aurais tellement aimé être aimé
Je vais t'aimer je vais t'aimer
A faire vieillir à faire blanchir la nuit
A faire brûler la lumière jusqu'au jour
A la passion et jusqu'a la folie
Je vais t'aimer je vais t'aimer d'amour
A faire cerner à faire fermer nos yeux
A faire souffrir à faire mourir nos corps
A faire voler nos âmes aux septièmes cieux
A se croire morts et faire l'amour encore
Je vais t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme on ne t'a jamais aimée
Je vais t'aimer
Plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé
Je vais t'aimer je vais t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme personne n'a osé t'aimer
Je vais t'aimer
Comme j'aurais tellement aimé être aimé
Je vais t'aimer je vais t'aimer
"Michel Sardou"
April 17th, 2000
Another
nice weekend spent with you. Easy, comfortable. Thank you Darling for taking
such good care of me, like you always do. It was nice to see "C" again.
My sister didn't come and that was too bad. I haven't seen her since last summer.It's
hard sometimes not having any family nearby. The last couple of weeks I have
had these crazy thoughts running through my mind.. I guess I am extremely sensitive
to little changes (I lived my life for so many years that way) and then I try
to explain them away, unrationally at times making mountains out of mole hills.
I don't know why I do that to myself. Maybe to protect myself and be ready for
whatever might come. A wall of sorts maybe. Had lots of mountains to climb and
I did because I found strength in a wall of protection and was ready. I try
so hard to be the woman everyone expects me to be. I try to make everyone happy
but it's not always possible. It drains me a lot of the time. Why does everything
seem so complicated sometimes? I wish I could divide myself up in little pieces
and distribute them equally. I suppose in life if we knew all the whys then
we would discover the secret of life wouldn't we. Anyways, tomorrow is another
day. I will wake up refreshed, drink in the spring sunshine and let it fill
me up with positive energy. I will bask in the all the love I have in my life
at this very moment and be grateful for what I have. I need to start speaking
with my angels again. It has been awhile. I always find comfort in that. Good
night my love. Sleep well. Pleasant dreams. XXXXXXXXX Cel.
April 23rd, 2000
Though one moment's pleasure
In one moment flies
Though the passion's treasure
In one moment dies;
Yet it has not passed
Think how near, how near!
And while it doth last,
Think how dear, how dear!
Hither, hither, hither
Love its boon has sent
If I die and wither I shall die content!
KEATS
April 28th, 2000
WOW What
a month!!It's been a terrific month don't you think? So many nice things have
happened. A few little rough spots but all manageable. I guess what has prompted
me to come here tonight is that for the last two nights I have been talking
to my guardian angels. I asked them to help me find a solution to my financial
dilemma. To show me how to solve it. I am always careful not to ask them to
solve it, just show me the way. LOL You know I'm excited about moving but the
expenses entailed were worrying me. You also know that my prayers were answered
tonight. Last weekend was an incredible weekend too. Didn't we have a wonderful
time? I feel so close to you Moz. I love you so very much. And more than that,
I know you love me back. That is something I want more than anything. Just for
you to love me back. XXXXXXX
