BACK IN TIME
BEFORE YOU WERE A PAINTER MY DARLING O:-)))
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Tonight I decided to just look up where we were a year ago. I guess it has been a sentiMENTAL day. LOL I have copied and pasted something from November 6th, 1999. Reading the words made me realize how wonderful it is to keep a journal and be able to go back and savour all over again something good and wonderful and so special. It's still like that even two years later. O:-))) I do miss sometimes though the romantic words you used to leave in here for me. But you know that I know that you know that you love me and I know that you know that I know that I love you LOL.
This one from 
Nov
1999
First the gates of my heart were unlocked and opened by the touch of your spirit... From this passage flew love... Love like never a fountain could have poured to touch you... The sense of that flow coming out of this lonesome soul, this sleeping soul was in itself blissful... The feeling of possessing love to give is to me a treasure never foreseen... How can I ever be grateful enough to have received such a gift... The feeling is more than ever present, the happiness is still hugging my heart... To truly love without even the need to feel some in return is my gift... To have known you at the precise moment where it could all be possible is the first valuable I gained in my life...
How fortunate can I be that you have come to meet me in that garden... More than blissful, there is no word... I have now learned that it is possible to add happiness to happiness... I have now learned that you have opened the gates of your heart and let your love come to me... A second gift as precious as my first... A treasure to hold and preserve... I was zero and became one... I was one and became two... We are two that became one... I now sense the true meaning of soulmates... More than a word it is a bond... Over time and distance there is now a golden bridge between our hearts and souls... Every minute love crosses that bridge and lands in both our beings... True love it is... Unconditional love... Forever lasting love... This is my second valuable gained... I am now the richest man in the world... You are my fortune... XXXXXX
This one from 
November
1999
Your words dispell all the care in the world and make me happy... They are as necessary to me now as sunlight and air... Your words are my food, your breath my wine - you are everything to me. (Sarah Bernhardt) We fit each other Moz. We don't have to explain or argue. We make beautiful music together. It isn't like that for everybody. I have cried for you knowing that you are mine. I am never really away from you. Even now I can't leave you, although we won't be seeing each other this weekend. I will still be the one that will always love you beyond measure for all eternity. Good night my Darling. O:-)
November 7th, 2000 - One Year Later
WHERE I AM TODAY
A LOVE LETTER TO MOZART
***What every woman should know***
How to fall in love without losing herself... O:-)
...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT
when to try harder...
WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME RIGHT? ...
and when to walk away...
THE MOMENT CAME WHEN I KNEW I HAD TO WALK AWAY FROM MY MARRIAGE. BUT SINCE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU, I PROMISED MYSELF THAT IF FOR ANY REASON YOU WANTED A LIFE WITHOUT ME, THAT I WOULD JUST WALK AWAY AND LEAVE YOU IN PEACE. IT IS A PROMISE I HOPE I WON'T HAVE TO FULFILL.
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
I'M OKAY O:-) IT'S WHAT MAKES ME 'ME'. IT'S NOT JUST THE OUTSIDE THAT COUNTS
that her childhood may not have been perfect.......but its over...
MINE WAS PERFECT AND I AM FORTUNATE. BUT I WILL NEVER LET GO COMPLETELY OF THE LITTLE GIRL WITHIN. SHE WAS A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
BOY DO I KNOW THIS ONE. O:-) THERE ARE LIMITS AS WE BOTH KNOW. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH LIMITS
how to live alone... ...even if she doesn't like it...
OK SO THIS IS STILL A HARD ONE LOL BUT I'M DOING IT AND MANAGING ! I WOULD NEVER EVER LIVE WITH A MAN JUST SO I WON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE. NEVER!
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally
I AM A GOOD PERSON. EVERYDAY IT'S SOMETHING I WORK AT. I DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN PEOPLE ARE NASTY. HOWEVER, I DON'T FORGET IT EITHER. IF YOU ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH THEN YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
where to go; be it to her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods...
I THINK I AM FLEXIBLE, VERSATILE AND HAPPY TO BE JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE I HAVE TO BE AND THRILLED TO BE WHERE I WANT TO BE. I CAN ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES.
when her soul needs soothing...
THIS IS A GOOD ONE LOL YES, EVERY NOW AND THEN I HAVE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MY INNER SELF. REIN MYSELF IN. YUP. AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO CRY IN FRONT OF YOU. I KNOW YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. I WILL TAKE MY SPECIAL MEDITATION BATH. LISTEN TO SPECIAL MUSIC, HAVE MY CRY THEN TAKE ACTION.
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... ...a month... ...and a year
SOMETIMES IN THE MORNING MY LIST IS A LOT LONGER THAN THE HOURS IN A DAY LOL BUT I SURE AS HELL TRY TO ACCOMPLISH IT ALL. BUT I HAVE LEARNED THAT EVEN IF YOU DON'T THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW. I HAVE ALSO LEARNED THAT SOME THINGS JUST DON'T HAPPEN. YOU HAVE TO HELP MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
***What every woman should have***
...one old love she can imagine going back to
HUMMMMMMMMM THAT'S A GOOD ONE LOL NO ONE COMPARES TO YOU AND I WOULDN'T GIVE ANY ONE OF THEM A SECOND THOUGHT. BUT.... LOL.... THERE ONCE WAS THIS BOYFRIEND WHEN I WAS ABOUT 17. HE WAS 11 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. HE NAME WAS THE SAME AS YOURS TOO. LOL. I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED WHATEVER BECAME OF HIM. HE WAS THE EPITOMY OF BACHELORHOOD. NOT GOOD LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. I BROKE OFF WITH HIM AS I DATED BOTH HIM AND N. FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS THEN N. PRESSURED ME TO CHOOSE. PERHAPS IF I HAD STAYED WITH DANIEL I WOULD NOT BE THE STRONG WOMAN I HAVE BECOME TODAY. FATE PLAYS HER PART DOESN'T SHE......
... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
WELL DARLING... THE ONE WHO REMINDS ME OF HOW FAR I HAVE COME IS YOU. YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. ALWAYS SUPPORTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING. BECAUSE OF OUR LOVE........... AND CERTAIN STANDARDS WE BOTH SET (WHETHER REALIZED OR NOT) I HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM THE 16 YEAR OLD THAT CRIED AT EVERY HARSH WORD OR DEED. I WON'T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST.
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to and needs to...
HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS. MY MOTHER ALWAYS TAUGHT ME THAT A WOMAN SHOULD ALWAYS LEAVE ONE FOOT IN THE WORKING WORLD WHILE RAISING A FAMILY. ALWAYS. SHE WAS SO RIGHT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE HAD I JUST LET NICK TALK ME INTO STAYING HOME AND JUST TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS. HE TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE ME DEPENDANT. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THAT MUCH HARDER TO LEAVE.
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
NO PROBLEMO THAT'S AN EASY ONE LOL ..
a youth she's content to leave behind...
I AM NOT SO SAD TO SEE THE YOUTH LEFT BEHIND. I HAVE EVOLVED INTO SOMEONE I LIKE AND IT HAS TAKEN ME 48 YEARS TO GET HERE LOL BUT I SURE WOULDN'T MIND IF I COULD HAVE KEPT MY YOUTHFUL BEAUTY. IT ISN'T EASY TO ACCEPT SAGGY SKIN AND WRINKLES. OH WELL........ THAT'S THE PRICE PAID FOR MY EVOLUTION RIGHT? I HAVE PROMISED MYSELF TO AGE GRACEFULLY. ONCE YOU WROTE TO ME THAT MY BEAUTY BURNED YOU INSIDE. I HOPE YOU STILL FEEL A LITTLE HEAT FROM TIME TO TIME LOL
...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
I THINK I CAN MUSTER UP A STORY OR TWO LOL THIS ONE HAS ME SECRETLY GRINNING.
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
OK OK SO I NEED TO BUY A CORDLESS DRILL NOW LOLOLOLOLOL
...one friend who always makes her laugh...
I HAVE A COUPLE OF THESE ACTUALLY BUT
YOU'RE MY MOSTEST BESTEST FRIEND. XXXXXO:-)
...and one who lets her cry...
THAT'S YOU....... O:-)XXXXX YOU ARE MY VERY BEST FRIEND
..a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
YEAH!! YES I DO......... YUP.
..eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honoured...
PLATES... CHECK WINE GLASSES....... 75% CHECKED
LOL HAVE 6 BUT THE 8 IS
RATHER SYMBOLIC TO WOMEN LOL AND I THINK I COULD RUSTLE UP A NICE LASAGNE LOL
...a feeling of control over her destiny...
I DO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY OWN DESTINY ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHERE FATE WILL TAKE ME. ALL THE DECISIONS I MAKE ARE MY SOLE RESPONSIBILITY. OR MAYBE I SHOULD SAY MY 'SOUL' RESPONSIBILITY WHETHER GOOD OR BAD. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT WHAT HAPPENS TO ME FROM HERE ON IS BECAUSE OF OF THE DECISIONS I MAKE. I CHOOSE........... O:-) WHAT A REFLECTION....... A LITTLE PHILOSOPHICAL SELF ANALYSIS DOESN'T HURT FROM TIME TO TIME I GUESS. LOL WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO IS THE FACT THAT I AM HAPPY. YOU PLAY A VERY IMPORTANT ROLE IN MY LIFE BUT YOU ARE NOT MY LIFE. MY LIFE IS MY OWN. HUMBLE AS IT IS. BUT I WANT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU, FOR AS LONG AS YOU WILL ALLOW ME THE PRIVILEDGE OF LOVING YOU. THERE COULD NEVER BE ANOTHER TO FAN THE FLAME IN MY HEART THAT'S CALLED LOVE, AT LEAST NOT THE WAY YOU DO. EVERY DAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR "US". XXXXXXXX
Loves
XXXXXXX
November
26, 2000
Here I am in front of the comp. 9 PM and you left to go home my sweet Mozart three hours ago. I am feeling very lost tonight. More than the usual. I'm sad that we can't stay together. Maybe I'm asking too much. I should just be happy about finding the perfect man for me and be happy that I have you two days/nights a week. I know what you always say........ what's the alternative??? Think of the alternative(s) but sometimes it's just too damn hard to watch you walk out that door. I don't feel complete when we're not together.
I've never been alone in my dreams
For you were always there with me
Whenever I would look into the future
I had visions of the way life would be.
You were a presence
But a face I couldn't see
Now all my prayers have been answered
By the touch of your hand
And the sound of your laughter.
From where you are
You have the power to touch my heart
You've reached a place deep inside
No one else could ever find
You've turned my world around
& I'm so lost in you now
that even if I wanted to
I can't be found
From where you are
You move me in so many ways
Lift my spirits, take my breath away
And I can feel the love
without the simplicity of one touch
From where I stand
I can see all that I am
where you are
I LOVE YOU
XXXXXXX
O:-)
